That day, I let her stay for the night. She explained to me what had happened. It was horrible really, they had a huge fight, he called her names which affected Lucy very much, she was very sensitive when it came to name calling.

That night I did everything I could to make her feel better and it wroked..at some points. Eventually she fell asleep on my bed while watching a movie we had rented. Her head was resting on my lap and I couldn't get my eyes off of her. She was so beautiful and that's when I realized. I loved her. And I had no intentions whatsoever of letting her go from now on, or giving somone else the chance to take her away from me.But i wasn't sure if she felt the same for me. Next morning i got up earlier than i usually do and made her breakfast. I made everything i could, pancakes, bacon, waffles and all.

''what happened last night? I can't even remember falling asleep'' she said as she walked into the kitchen, yawning.

''You fell asleep on my bed, before we finished the movie''.

''Oh yeah..'' she responded. I put a plate in front of her filled with food and a glass of juice.

''Niall, i'm only one person, how do you expect me to finish this plate?'' she asked me a little shocked.

''we can always share'' i said with a grin, she smiled back.

We began to eat from one plate and talked about how her night was, she said I made her feel better which of course made ME feel better.

''Can I ask you something?'' she said and kind of broke the silence.

''Sure''.

''Are you a virgin?'' came out of her, compeletly out of the blue and I almost choked on my juice.

I just stared at her like i've been hit with a rock.

''Well?'' she said.

''yes, i am..'' i responded and kept eating. She didn't say anything after that, it was just quiet. We finished our plate and she said it was time for her to go home, so we headed out to the hall. We stood there for a while with my door open but we didn't really say anything until she leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

''Thank you, for all this and for being there for me Niall'' she said and took off. I slowely closed the door after her.

The next day was a little tough, seeing her walk by me in the hallways and not being able to say hello was not easy. But the hardest thing was, it wasn't that long ago she had started at our school, but everyone knew her. She had made more friends in a couple of weeks, than i had in my entire life. And i didn't mean to say hardest, what i mean is, how come people always say that the way you look isn't important at all, but when it comes to actually talking and becoming friends, they all judge you by your new pair of jeans? I know, the outside is what gives the inside a chance, but it's all so wrong. When i was younger, i had a friend, his name was Alex. He was just like me, an outsider. He had a trouble fitting in, but that's what made it extra good. I knew i wasn't alone, but eventually he had to move. His situation was much worse than mine. Dad was a drunk and his mom tried her hardest to make money. Alex really understood people, and when you got to know him, he wasn't bad at all. He was really intrested in photography and  movies, wich counted as a cool thing back then, but people never gave him a chance to show it. The other kid walking beside him, had the same intrests but had the latest looks, i guess that's why the other kid is the most popular kid in school right now. But what i'm trying to say is, people are so much more than seem to be. If you take a look beneath, they may have same intrests as you. Wether they're cute or not, popular or not. But back to Lucy, she looked good. But if i see it from another perspective, she looked like an average teenager. Nothing special. But still, if they gave her a chance to show them her real Lucy, why couldn't they give a chance to Alex? Or me? Or anyone else who has been in the same situation? But here's a thing to think about next time you see someone new, someone who doesn't hang around with a lot of people, or is mostly quite. Just walk up to them and say Hi. You don't know what may happen, maybe it'll make their day when they we're struggling through it.

Some weeks passed by and Lucy was still dating Brad. Everyday after school, i'd go to the library and see if she's there but no. I bet Brad didn't even give her any time for books. Day by day my feelings got stronger for her - while surely hers got weaker - wich made it tougher for me through the day. But you know what's worst? Thinking you have a chance with someone then realizing that you actually don't. Wasting your time on someone. Wasting your time thinking about them, every moment of the day. Wasting you day just waiting for a text or a call back. Wasting your time thinking if they feel the same way as you, wondering if they're thinking about you too. When in reality, they aren't. While you're making them your priority, they're only making you an option.

That day i was thinking about calling her and asking her to come over, it was raining, wich made me hesitate because she'd say that it's raining and then she wouldn't come. So i put my bookmark in the middle of my book that i was reading. And yes, since i met Lucy, i started to like reading too. Afterwards i just turned on the tv and found nothing i liked, so i let South Park on when suddenly somone knocked. I was really lazy that day so i walked slower than usually to the door. The person had to knock once again wich i shouldn't have because it was Lucy. I had no words when i saw her. She had this empty face expression, red eyes and she didn't look straight into my eyes.

- Can i come in? she asked and still tried to avoid eye contact.

I held the door for her and followed her as she walked to the couch and slowly sat down.

-How are you? she asked and broke the silence.

-Great, i said feeling terrible. Not because of the abvious, but because she was. I could see it, she was feeling terrible.

I took a seat beside and layed my hand on top of hers but she pulled it back and hugged me instead. It was a long and tight hug but then she just broke down. I didn't say a word, i kept my arms tight around her, rubbing her back now and then. I don't remember much of what she told me what happened, but Brad was a part of it. I told you he should not be trusted. There was a girl at my school, she fancied Brad a lot. She even bought parfume by Brad Pitt, just cause it had Brads name in it. But she was a.. let's just say, swot. Swot is a person who studies hard. Swot is a nicer word for nerd or dork. So after the summer break, a new version of that girl showed up in school. Still high grades though, but with much prettier hair, sassier attitude and more makeup than ever. That was exactly what Brad liked. So typically teenage movies, she pretended to not be intrested in Brad anymore and then he started chasing her. People had seen Brad and that girl together, at a party last friday and things went on pretty wild. Since then, Brad barely raturned Lucys calls, he didn't even break up with her in a proper way. He just stopped talking to her. But what made me happier was that, Lucy came to me when she needed a friend, she didn't go to her other girlfriends she could cry with dramatically, she came to me. I was the one sitting next to her, holding her tight and just listening to her quiet sobbing and heavy breaths.

Fick en gullig kommentar från Vendela, frågan är: Hur kan jag kontakta dig? :)

Now it's been 2 years without her and it has been feeling like an eternity. I can still remember how it all happened like it was yesterday. At first, we started hanging out as friends, i showed her around the town and we went to see a movie together, I don't really remember the title of the movie but it was some kind of action fling. We spent half of the movie talking about different things, it turns out we had so much more in common that i thought.

She was a big book lover, she could finish a book in 2 weeks, usually it takes several months for me to finish a normal thick book.
Whenever i couldn't find her, i'd go look for her in the library, it was a 80% chance that she was there. Once I saw her there with her classmate, Brad. I got furious. I don't know why, It's not like I was jelaous or something, I didn't even have any feeling for her. She was just a friend but something inside said that I was supposed to be the one sitting there with her and not Brad.

Some weeks later, when our friendship was getintg stronger and i Thought i had a chance with her, Brad asked her out and she said yes. Then i was sure that i liked her. I really fancied her and she meant so much to me than she knew. That day when he asked her out, she and I were sitting in my bedroom and just enjoying the silence and out of the blue, she just said ''Brad asked me out today''. I kept quiet and then asked her what she said to him. She said yes. And I don't think she heard but I heard a crashing type of sound, like something broke. And it was inside me. I didn't say much after, just stayed calm, I didn't even walk her to the door like always when she was leaving to meet up with Brad. Brad, let me just tell you a little about him. He wasn't the kind of guy that took relationsships seriously. He was in the football team and he was also every girl's dream. And what made me most mad was that I know he didn't like her half as much as I did. He would never. And she was the new girl, she believed in everything that people said. The cool girls in school ''wanted'' to hang with her and at the end they would just toss her aside. I wanted to tell her that so badly but I was afraid that she'd say ''You're only jealous beacuse I get to hand with the cool ones''. Even though she wasn't that kind of person who'd say something like that. She wasn't that cruel. But something kept me from saying it.

The next day I went to the libarary to return a book that I had lost, that i actually found under my bed, and outside the window, I saw them, just taking a walk and talking, laughing. I look like a stalker, standing there and hiding behind the bookshelf and staring at them from a distance. A librarian came up to me and look at me with a confused face expression. ''Your not the first one doing that'' she said. ''Want her? Then don't let someone else have her and then walk around hiding'' she added. I didn't really give her an answer, just let her know that i heard her.

And I took her advice. Later that day Lucy stopped by my house but i asked my mom to open, though i told my mom that i was busy, she let her come up to my room. Without knocking she walked in and sat on the bed edge with a thud. She was smiling, the only difference was that I wasn't the one making her smile.

''Is it just me, or is it really hot in here?'' she asked fladdering her shirt and letting the air come underneath.

''It's normal for me'' I answered. Then she started talking about him and every little detail. Let's just say, I was in the friendzone. I was that best friend she told everything to. But i wanted to be more than that.

''Lucy, with all the due and respect, what you two do together isn't really my buisness, so you might as well stop telling me'' i just said, I can't believe i said that, and I said it with a cruel tone. She looked at me shocked.

''I'm sorry, that came out wrong'' i started apologizing.

''Can you just tell me what's your problem? Since we've started dating you've been acting so distant. Does it bother you that we hang out?''

''Yes, it does. And since your wondering, my problem is Brad. You don't know half of him. He just tells you a load of bullshit and you belive him'' i shouted.

She shook her head and left the room. The door she slammed made my portraits shake off the wall. Now i had really done it. And once again i'd sit alone in the cafeteria. I lost the only friend i had, but I was right. Brad is not to be relied on.

 

 

1st july, 2008, was the best date of my life. I can asure you that. It was the day that an angel entered my life. And I don't mean to overstate, no, she really was an angel. I mean, have you ever met someone that changed your life in a blink of an eye? Someone you saw a future with? Just by looking at them and as they glace back, you feel this warm hapiness, like nothing else has ever mattered to you, as much as them? I'm sure i don't even have to name them, but a person just poped into your head, didn't it?

When I was younger, actually very little, I used to think that girls were weird. With their long hair, those small annoying giggles, but that changed with time. I'm glad it did. If I was still the asshole I was before, I might have never felt true love. I might have even never met her. Lucy was her name if you wonder. She was just a couple of inches shorter than me and she had that beautiful blond hair wich she always tried to color darker and I would stop her. She was very insecure, always found flaws and she hated herself sometimes when she'd make a small mistake that didn't actually mean anything. But that's why I loved her. I loved her flaws, her mistakes and everything else....

:)